How Feminism Made Me A Better S.O.

For the past eight years feminism has been my way of life. Equality and my disdain for stereotypical gender roles were the norm for me as a child before I even knew what feminism was. I don’t know exactly when I decided I was a feminist but I imagine I googled the term after seeing it mentioned on the internet or on TV, read the definition, and thought,“yep, this is me.” Since then feminism has had a huge impact on my life–it’s what I believe in, it influences me in many of my decisions, and a lot of my values come from it.

 

Whether or not my significant other chooses to identify as a feminist or not, the fact I am one means feminism will inform our relationship. I don’t identify with the normalities that come in a typical male/female relationship, or a female/female relationship for that matter; I don’t expect either of us to take a male or female role, and don’t expect us to confine ourselves to traditional stereotypes. Feminism has had its say in my relationships, and by valuing respect and equality, it’s taught me to be a better partner. Feminism has made me a better S.O. with better relationships because:

1. Finances aren’t solely a guy’s issue.

The age old issue of who pays for what in a relationship and on a date. The traditional presumption is that men pay. My first date was paid for by both of us. If I solely relied on my partner to pay for dates I would be upholding a sexist tradition that came about because not so long ago women didn’t earn any money. There is no pressure on my partner to have to be able to afford everything and there is no feeling of debt when we both pay out.

2. Compromise.

Compromise is a big deal breaker in a relationship if you can’t reach it. Relationships rely on the fact that sometimes one partner may have to compromise for the sake of their S.O. It’s totally cool for my boyfriend to sit down and watch the newest season of OITNB with me, or for me to sit down and watch the football with him from time to time, because you and your partner may have separate interests but compromise shows equality within a relationship and you might find yourself enjoying something new with your partner as a plus.

3. Being able to share emotions.

Believing in equality also means I believe my partner has 100% the same right as I do to express emotions. In most heterosexual relationships women are perceived as over-emotional and men as emotionless. Gender norms shouldn’t make it difficult for men to express their emotions to a partner, nor for women to be labelled as over-emotional by expressing them. Sharing and discussing feelings is important in a relationship. By not letting gender norms control my relationship I’m able to discuss anything, and my partner can feel they can do the same.

4. Sex isn’t one sided.

Female sexuality isn’t discussed as openly as male’s. This is ridiculous. I’m open with my sexuality, particularly within my relationships. I’m open with my partner about masturbation, kinks and the whole spectrum of turn-ons and -offs. It’s important sex isn’t seen as for the male’s pleasure only. Sex is a team sport where the real goal should be ensuring your partner is enjoying it as much as you.

5. Supporting one another is important.

Feminism is about respect. Respect is a huge deal in relationships. If you don’t respect your partner, then you don’t support your partner either, and appreciating your partner is important. If you’re able to support and respect your partner’s decisions, your relationship is heading in the right direction.

6. You do what’s right for you both, together.

Social constructs aren’t necessarily what’s right for you and your relationship. Whether you’re in a heterosexual relationship or not important decisions like marriage, kids and living arrangements should be made around what you and your partner decide together rather than what society dictates you do. Discussions with your partner should be what decides your future, rather than using society’s strictly hetero-friendly guide. If you choose to follow traditions because it’s what you and your partner agree you both want, that’s great, but don’t let cultural norms stop you from doing what you want in your relationship.

These are just a few of the reasons why feminism has helped my relationships. Success comes from treating your partner as an equal. Feminism does so by eliminating disrespect, silly expectations and disregarding sexist traditions, and it has made me a better partner.

Jadzia EDM Bambridge is a 19 year old free-lance blogger and intersectional feminist living with OCD. Blogging about everything from equality and sexuality to daily life, and trying to make sense of it all. Find her at jadziaedmb.wordpress.com.